


I am who I don't want to be.

by Candypanda



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: <3, Akabane Karma is a Little Shit, Alternate Universe - Medieval, Arachnophobia, Forced Marriage, Hiromi is a little fuck, Human Korosensei (Assassination Classroom), Human Ritsu, Idk what I'm doing that this point, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/F intercouse, Multi, Nagisa Shiota was born a female, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Prince Karma Akabane, Straight intercousre?, Tags, Trans Male Character, Trans Nagisa Shiota, but then he catches feelings, idk - Freeform, ig, iuegv, lol, what am i doing with life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 23:01:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28485018
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Candypanda/pseuds/Candypanda
Summary: Nagisa Shiota a 17 years old GIRL, also the princess of Stoterra, who had been captive all her life, of my bad, all HIS life, now you may be confused, well at the age of 14 Nagisa found interest in men, not the type of interest most girls at his age would find no, it wasn't affection or love no not at all, it was more curiosity, Nagisa WANTED to be male,He was tired of being treated like a girl, but he knew there was no way in hell anyone would accept him for who he wants to be, Nagisa was giving the education giving to most female, the basics of cooking, sewing, taking care of wounds, cleaning them and then sticking if needed.
Relationships: Akabane Karma/Shiota Nagisa, Chiba Ryuunosuke/Hayami Rinka, Irina Jelavić/Karasuma Tadaomi, Isogai Yuuma/Maehara Hiroto, Kanzaki Yukiko/Sugino Tomohito
Kudos: 9





	I am who I don't want to be.

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own any of the characters, the plot, and some minor characters are my own OCs.

It was a quiet and chilly evening; Nagisa Shiota was sitting on his large window sill reading an archery book. He was interested in books that other females wouldn't care much for. Since 14, he always dreamed about being a boy. He wanted to be called 'My Lord' or 'His Highness' instead of 'My lady' or 'Her highness.'

He exhaled, warm air slipping out in between his lips; he looked up at the moon, 

"Hey there, Mr. Moon" Nagisa smiled at the moon; the only light pouring through his enormous window was the moonlight.

"How is it up there in the sky carefree of what you're expected to be?" Nagisa said, his smile slowly dropping; he looks down at the cream-colored dress he was wearing,

"I would love to be carefree one day," He says sighing, he gets up, closing the book that he was reading, and puts it down on his desk, then he heard a knock on his door, the knock echoed throughout his enormous room, his room wasn't anything special just what a basic room needed, Nagisa's mother wasn't exactly the most excellent person to be around, but he loved her dearly,

Even though his body was covered in bruises and burn marks due to his mothers' questionable disciplining methods, when he stepped out of line or when he made a simple mistake, his mother would beat him till his body was sore, no matter how much he screamed or cried for help the maids and butlers would stand there incapable of helping him,

one time she even made a burn on his back with the hot iron they used to mark their horses simply because he refused to go to sleep on time because he wanted to help his mother plan the upcoming war, 

It's true, Nagisa was always known to be kind-hearted even though he had to put up with his mothers' harsh punishments. Whenever she left after punishing her daughters, the maid and butlers would rush to help him. When they asked if he needed assistance, he'd kindly decline since he didn't want to be a burden to them,

Nagisa was selfless; he once even took the punishment set for one of the maids because she didn't dust the table properly, he had to stay outside in the cold stormy night, when he came back in the next day he had a terrible fever, 

Everyone was worried, he always put others before himself, his mother never really paid attention to him, but his father was still there for him, he even opened up one of his biggest secrets to him, he told him he wanted to be a male, and his father agreed wholeheartedly and even offered to call him by the pronouns he wished to be used.

The one people he opened up about this were Kayano Kaede, his maid, Irina Jelavic, his teacher, Hayamo Rinka, his bodyguard, who was female by the way, and Tomohito Sugino, His childhood best friend; he'd often visit his castle once in a while, he did have eyes for their head medic, Kanzaki Yukiko, 

"My lord," the person at the door called out, the only three people that called him that were Kaede, Irina-sensei, and Rinka; he could tell the voice didn't sound egoistic, it didn't sound stoic, it sounded gentle and bubbly meaning it was Kaede,

"Come in," Nagisa called out, walking towards the door as it opened; a green-haired female named Kaede Kayano walked in holding a white and lavender dress that was very poofy, with lavender bows added on it, on top of the neatly folded clothing was a golden tiara, Nagisa let out a groan knowing well that his Mother wanted to see him.

He had been on he best behavior is he doesn't want more bruises or burns to be added to his already pale and bruised body, 

"Mother wants to see me, doesn't she?" Nagisa asked, looking at his maid, in response; she only nodded her head slowly,

"Very well then, may you please help me put that thing on; I am no good with big dresses," Nagisa admitted blushing slightly in embarrassment; Kaede lets out a laugh,

"I think we already know that Nagisa-kun," She adds. Nagisa didn't mind being called by his name; in fact, he was the one who said it to be that way to the people close to him.

"Once you're done, Rinka is outside waiting to escort you to the destination your mother wants to meet at," Kaede says before putting the clothes down on the bed as Nagisa starts to strip his clothes off; they'd done this multiple times now, so it isn't as awkward as it used to be. 

"Escort? Where exactly does Mother want to meet" Nagisa questions as he puts on the first layer of the dress; Kaede comes over and helps, 

"I'm not sure where exactly. I was just told to bring his dress to you, and she sent Rinka along to escort you, so she probably knows where you're going," Kaede says, putting the corset on and fastening it, Nagisa didn't particularly like corsets since he was claustrophobic and corsets didn't allow much breathing to be going on, Nagisa let out a gasp as he tightened it even more,

"Did mother ask for me to look like I have no waist for something?" Nagisa says, trying to get in as much air as his lungs currently allowed

"Well, Kinda," Kaede adds as she puts on the main dress; Nagisa out on the shoes provided as Kaede brushed his long silky hair, she then styled it added the tiara on.

Kaede steps back, admiring Nagisa beauty; Nagisa was known to be the prettiest female in Stoterra, many girls envied him; he also started getting marriage proposals at the age of 13, which was very strange, luckily his mother turned down all of them since he was still quietly reasonably young at the time. 

And if Kaede was honest, she may have had a small crush on Nagisa; she still does, but knowing she'll never get the chance actually to be with him was none the less quite heartbreaking; Nagisa smiled at her, which made Kaede's heart flutter, She walked Nagisa out to Rinka as they all walked down the hall, 

"So Rinka, where are we going?" Nagisa questioned, trying to keep up his bodyguard,

"The Terrance," She replied in her usual stoic voice, which made Nagisa and Kayano sweatdrop,

"Right," Nagisa added as they all walked in silence to the Terrance where Nagisa was treated by new faced along with the maids and butlers of his castle and amongst the new faces sat Queen Hiromi Shiota, aka Nagisa's mother, 

"Ah, Nagisa," She said, standing up to walk towards him; she grabbed Nagisa's arm with it may have seemed like a gentle touch, but Nagisa felt it; it wasn't peaceful. It hurt like hell; Nagisa just put on a smile and walk with his mother to the table with the strangers.

"This is Prince Akabane's parents," she starts, and suddenly Nagisa has this weird feeling crawling in his stomach, 

"It's nice to meet you," He says as he curtsied; it was what he had been thought; his mother sat down as Nagisa stayed standing next to his mother, 

"It lovely to meet you too, aw Hiromi you have her so well-disciplined," Queen Akabane states as Nagisa smiled at her,

"The portrait you send us of her is what she looks like in person" King Akabnae now starts smiling, 

"Well, what can I say, she was a natural-born beauty, she'd been getting marriage proposal's from the age of 13, but we declined all of them since she was still quite young at the time," Hiromi says as she takes a sip of her tea, 

"Well, isn't that perfect because we're here today to propose on behalf of our son, who couldn't be here today since he had studies to take care of, we want your daughter Shiota Nagisa to be our son's future wife," Queen says clapping her hands together, as Nagisa's eyes widened, Hiromi smirks to herself,

_'This is an amazing opportunity to ally with the Kunugigaoka Kingdom. This'll be helpful for the future.'_

"Very well then we accept your proposal, but we would need a portrait of your son," Hiromi adds as Nagais's left speechless

"B-but Moth-" Nagisa was cut off by Hiromi digging her nails into Nagisa's wrist.

"Now now dear, the adults are talking, so hush please," Hiromi says, all innocent "I'm sure the king and queen of Kunugigaoka are very excited to have the princess of Stoterra be their future-daughter-in-law isn't that right?" Hiromi says looks at the couple sitting on the opposite side of the table; they both flash her a smile

"We're more than excited, we will arrange all the necessary things needed for Nagisa's arrival, we'll have our son pick her up at the entrance of our castle," Mrs. Akabane says, smiling brightly; Nagisa only smiles back, but more the smile saddened now, but he doesn't let anyone see it. 

"Now, dear, would you please head back to your room and start packing? You'll leave tomorrow," Hiromi says 

"H-Huh?! T-Tomorrow?!" Nagisa says, raising his voice a bit, as Hiromi clears her throat,

"Yea dear **Tomorrow** " Nagisa knew that tone of voice all too well; he didn't want to beat right in front of the guests since he knew Hiromi would do it; Nagisa looked down. 

"Yes, Mother," He says

"Oh, and you can bring any of your maids," King Akabane spoke up, as Nagisa's face brightens.

"Am I allowed to bring more than one?" He questioned as King Akabane nodded; Nagisa smiled brightly before bowing and running off, 

"She's going to be a perfect match for Karma," Queen Akabane says, slightly tearing up,

"Are you okay, Yui? You're tearing up" Hiromi asked, confused as Yui aka Queen Akabane nodded smiling, wiping away the tear that slipped out, 

"I'm just happy that Karma's finally going to have someone; he turned down every marriage proposal saying he didn't want to get married, so we had to take action when we showed him Nagisa's portrait, he agreed to the marriage, none of us know why exactly but I'm happy no matter the reason." 

Hiromi smiles

"I'm sure Nagisa would make a lovely wife" Hiromi got up, 

"Excuse me for a second," She says as she walks out of the Terrance.

* * *

Nagisa ran out of the Terrance with somewhat joy that he could bring the people close to him with him to a foreign place; ever since his father's death was announced when Nagisa was only 5, his mother wouldn't allow him to set foot outside, especially the garden, where his fathers died. 

Nagisa's mother wasn't always like this; she only became 'unstable,' in the words of Nagisa, when Nagisa's father died; that's why Nagisa never really hated his mother; in fact, he loved her no matter what she does to him, and he'll always love her no matter what. 

Waiting outside for Nagisa were Kaede and Rinka, 

"So, what was that about?" Kaede asked curiously,

"Well, it looks like I'm being forced into marriage to the prince of Kunugigaoka," Nagisa says as they start walking back to Nagisa's room, 

"Well, do you know anything about him?" Rinka asked. She had to education provided to males; since her parents were both knights, they offered to train their only daughter how to fight, and since the age of 10, Rinka has been protecting Nagisa.

"I'm not completely sure, but I've heard he's a total asshole," Nagisa says, crossing his arms,

"That is true, but he is also known to be cunning and charming, is quite similar to you, he is known to be the finest boy so walk the earth, he like you have also turned down every marriage proposal sent his way, you should have his portrait by morning," Rinka says as Kaede and Nagisa both listen in interest,

"Yea! They both sound very similar! Nagisa-kun is known to be the prettiest girl to walk the earth, and she's also very cunning! Nagisa-kun also turned down every marriage sent his way," Kaede exclaims, as Nagisa smiles, he was happy that Rinka and Kaede were getting the hang of the pronouns he wished to be used,

"Well, it's not like I want to get married" Nagisa crosses his arms, "Oh! I forgot to mention the Queen and King of Kunugigaoka said I could bring a personal maid, and I asked if I could bring more than one, and they said yes, so I'm deciding to bring Kaede as my maid. After all, I only trust her with my body, Rinka, like my guard because I'm going somewhere foreign, so it's going to be hard to trust their guards, and Irina-sensei because she's my mentor who taught me self-defense!" Nagisa says happily,

He noticed that Rinka and Kaede have stopped moving, so he stops and turns around; as he was about to speak, Rinka and Kaede attacked him with a hug, 

"We feel very honored that you trust us that much to have us accompany you to a foreign place," They say in unison; Rinka sounded like she was on the verge of tears, whereas Kaede had hot tears streaming down her face, 

"W-wait, please don't cry!" Nagisa panicked; Kaede pulled away sniffing as Rinka regained her composure, 

"Woah, Rinka, your really human; I thought you were some alien," Nagisa joked as Rinka glared at him, but then Kaede burst into laughter along with Nagisa, leaving a confused Rinka to stare at them.

The happiness was short-lived; they all froze when they heard angry footsteps approaching them; Rinka and Kaede distanced themselves from Nagisa as Nagisa prepared for whats was going to happen next. 

Hiromi approached them. She grabbed Nagisa by the hair, as Nagisa cried out in pain, 

"I-I'm sorry, Mother!" Nagisa spat out, not sure what he was sorry for, but he knew every time his mother was like this, the best thing to do is to apologize; Hiromi threw Nagisa towards where the knight stand was, with the whole amour and sword in hand, as Nagisa was thrown back, the blade made a deep wound in his right upper arm, this made Nagisa cry out in pain even louder, to the point where he had tears streaming down his face, as he landed against the wall, which only added to the pain,

The pale dress he was wearing wasn't so pale anymore; the right sleeve was drenched in the blood due to Nagisa's wound; Kaede bit her lips as she heard Nagisa crying out in pain, Rinka clenched her fist to the point where her knuckles were turning white, it hurt her every time, every time Hiromi hurt Nagisa, it pains her to see Nagisa like that, Rinka may be stoic and seem emotionless, but she's far from that, she truly thinks of Nagisa as a best friend she never had, and it hurts Rinka that she can't do anything to help him, she can only stand there while Nagisa is being beaten, screaming and shouting in pain,

Nagisa was shaking and bleeding against the wall as Hiromi walked up to him, grabbing him by the hair and made eye contact,

"Who are you to raise your voice at your mother when guests are around?!" Hiromi spits out as Nagisa only stayed quiet, trying not to make eye contact. 

"You are NOT going to mess this up for me! When you get married to their son and produce children for them, they're blood bounded to us, and that means an automatic alliance, which also means giving us weapons if we ask, and best of all, assistance in war! So DO NOT MESS THIS OPPORTUNITY!!" Hiromi explains as she slams Nagisa's head hard against the wall making Nagisa cry out in pain once again; his vision was being filled by black spots appearing in his eyes, 

"And you two," Hiromi turned to Rinka and Kaede, this almost made Kaede flinch, but she kept her composure, 

"Make sure she is doing what she is supposed to or else," Hiromi ordered, staring down at them, while they both kept their eyes on the floor, not making the mistake of looking up until they were sure Hiromi was gone, once she was Kaede and Rinka both rushed over to Nagisa,

Kaede kneeled beside him, examining his arm,

"A-are you okay?! D-does it hurt too much?! Rinka, go get Yukiko!" Kaede said things all to fast for Nagisa to understand, but Rinka managed to understand, 

"Right away," she said as she hurried down the hallway out of their eyesight,

"Ka-Kaede, I'm fine; it's only a mere scratch," Nagisa said, trying to stand up, but was pulled down by Kaede.

"Only a scratch, my ass! It's a deep wound Nagisa-kun! This needs stitches!!" Kaede yelled. She had tears rolling down her face,

"Nagisa-kun, you can't keep living like this; ever since I was hired as your maid at the age of 10, I've witnessed almost everything your mother does to you, and it hurts me every time to see you shake it off like it was nothing!" Kaede says, wiping the tears off Nagisa's cheeks as Nagisa sighs,

"Kaede-chan, whatever my mother does to me is for my good; she's not mentally stable right now; it's been like this since I was 5, you don't need to worry about me, I'm fine, I can't escape it ever," Nagisa says raising his shaking, bleeding arm to wipe Kaede's tears,

"Don't start crying on me again; it'll make me cry; I hate seeing you cry," Nagisa says smiling,

"And I hate seeing you hurt, crying out in pain while I stand there helplessly watching you get hurt, watching you get beaten," Kaede says, sobbing into Nagisa's shoulder, as Nagisa starts stroking her hair in comfort, 

Yukiko and Rinka soon arrived as Kaede pulled away; Yukiko kneeled beside him and started cleaning his wound as Nagisa bit his lips at the burning sensation, 

"This is going to be a bit more painful okay?" Yukiko warned

"It's fine; Nothing hurt more than Father's dead not even a hot iron stick to the skin" Nagisa smiles as they all look at him with saddened eyes, Yukiko takes a deep breath before starting to stitch the wound as Nagisa doesn't even flinch. When it was done, Yukiko pulled away, putting the things back in her bag,

"You mustn't move your right arm too much, well, at least until the wound starts to fill itself up, alright?" Nagisa nods, and Rinka and Yukiko help Nagisa up,

They all start walking to Nagisa's room when they reached the destination, Rinka and Yukiko went their separate ways, leaving Kaede with Nagisa,

"I'll start packing your thin-" Kaede started but was cut off by Nagisa. 

"No, No, It's fine. I can do it myself," Nagisa said, smiling. "Plus, you should start packing your things and get plenty of rest." 

"Ar-Are you sure Nagisa-kun?" Kaede asked unsurely, but she knew she couldn't go against his decision,

"I'm very sure Kaede" Nagisa smiles once again.

"Alright then," Kaede sighs as she bows before leaving the room; Nagisa watched the door close; without even realizing it, Nagisa is on the floor sobbing.

"I-I don't want to get married; I do-don't want to leave you, father!" Nagisa cries as he gripped onto the carpet beneath him tightly as tear drops stain the rug... 


End file.
